My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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