How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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