you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
