I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
