I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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