quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
