I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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