grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
