I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
