i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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