Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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