Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
