Don't you send me to vm
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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