highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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