I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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