How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
