The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
