So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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