hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
