Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
