Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
