Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
