Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
