u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
