i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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