your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
