Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
