K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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