I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
