lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
