Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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