final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
