'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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