Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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