I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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