also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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