in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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