and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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