My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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