honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
