His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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