Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
