Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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