Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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