The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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