piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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