He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
