I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
