Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
