Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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