I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
