its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
