All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
are you so shy because you have an std?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
