umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
only you would photoshop your dick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
