barbara walters just said penis...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
