we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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