too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
