last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
