you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
