i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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