R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i now understand why vodka
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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