I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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