I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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