They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
