I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
