Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
