no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
