it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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