There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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