i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
