I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
