for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
