She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
