i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
