If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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