I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
