I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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