im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
