i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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