So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
