I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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